Fuck it - Im off to Ibiza
Caz and Isabel dancing on Pisco Beach, San Antonio, Ibiza - 2024
Fuck it. I’m off to Ibiza.
I’ve got so much on at the moment, much more than normal. I live a high-stress life, stress is manageable, but you can’t make it go away, it comes as a sticky byproduct of responsibility and accountability. My life is nuts, I do and manage a lot. My family, Raven Forge, friendships, hobbies, groups, and finally, myself. I always have a lot of things to do, and stress is easy to come by. That’s normal. Recently I lost some staff which was really gutting as they were close personal friends who I spent a lot of time with, but the real kick in the teeth is the fact that I’m now doing my own job, a full time HR role dealing with hiring and removing integrated staff, and my admin guys role who has moved on to pastures new. On top of that, I’m picking up extra work at home to support Caz in her new venture with her Yoga studio and her Yoga therapy course, which is taking her to live in London for a week periodically. On top of that, Sarah has left her job at the council to pursue a career in accounting, so literally everything is changing. Changing for the positive yes, and I’m very excited and grateful to help and see everyone grow, but change is inherently stressful, even when its good change. So bear with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not single handedly holding everything together like Tom Holland with those 2 halves of that orange ferry in Spider Man, Caz and Sarah are more than capable of looking after themselves, they’re also great around the house and the guys at work are all pithing it to try and fill the completely involuntary, GAPING void left by great poeple. When I say I have a lot more on, I mean it literally, about me personally, regardless of everyone around me being great.
In fact, let’s address that I always feel like I have to justify this. Someone saying they’re having a hard time doesn’t detract from yours. People in general have a real problem hearing singular statements. The number of times I have told people I own Raven Forge, you know, because its true, and have been met by “and Sam,” yes, of course, and Sam, I didn’t forget my fucking brother, I own Raven Forge, he owns Raven Forge. Both are true. The number of times I have said “I’m really stressed at the moment” and someone says “you should try being me” “try being a single parent”, “You don’t even know what stress is, kid” is wild. Nowhere in the statement “I’m really stressed” did I imply you were in fact not stressed. There are certain things I don’t understand about human interaction yet, and that’s for sure one of them. People have an inbuilt reflex to compare or compete. I totally understand compassion and connection, i.e.. “Me too!” “Yeah, I understand I’m under a load of work myself” or… whatever. I dunno, never settled right with me, but now when I write, I always have to preface my statements with acknowledgements of other people’s emotions so I don’t get shot down. Like, acknowledgement is the price I have to pay the gatekeepers to be able to speak about things in the singular?
Anyway, that seems irrelevant now I’ve said it all.
So I’m more stressed than my usual baseline, I have mouth ulcers, my eyelids are cracking which always happens when I’m hyper stressed, I cant sleep and I’m about ready to fuck off.
When all this HR nightmare is over and everyone and replaced, I’m gone too. Ill be choosing a time that fits with Caz, Sarah and the Kids, passing it by Sam and I’m gone. Its aeroplane time. I just want to feel like a person again.
Why Ibiza? Am I some kind of party animal who wants to go popping pills and dancing till 8am, no that’s not my jam. Ibiza has some of the best beaches, best bars, best boats, best cocktails and most importantly, the best sunsets I have ever seen. There’s always some cunt doing yoga on the beach Infront of a hazy Ibizan sunset and I want to be that cunt. Bring me a travel yoga mat, bring me a cocktail, take me to that sunset and let me fucking breathe.
Side note: There's a Bar in San Antonio in Ibiza called Pisco Beach. It’s a beautiful restaurant on its own beach, I have a few amazing memories from there, but one of them is a wildly potent core memory of Caz and Isabel dancing at sunset. It was so beautiful. I was very lucky to get a picture of that memory, and although it’s a beautiful picture, it doesn’t do the memory justice at all.
I’m sure if I'm ever lucky enough to become old, and I inevitably lose the capacity to remember, it’ll be one of the very last memories I try to hold on to.