Barefoot Path
When I was 16, my dad took my brother and me to America; he was worried it would be our last holiday together and decided to go big. We went to the Grand Canyon and, as we have always been a walking family, the plan was to walk the Grand Canyon. Not out to skeleton point like the Americans do, but to hop the fence, walk past the “Danger of death” signs, and get all the way to the bottom. Over 20 miles, 8000 feet in elevation and 38 degrees heat and about 15 hours. We followed the South Kaibab Trail and it was - well I was 16, it was really fucking far. Beautiful, life affirming, a memory to last a lifetime, but really fucking far.
This particular memory was of a long path, the whole path was made with thick, heavy orange shale, which looked like flint knives. A man walked towards us…
Fuck it - Im off to Ibiza
The number of times I have told people I own Raven Forge, you know, because its true, and have been met by “and Sam,” yes, of course, and Sam, I didn’t forget my fucking brother, I own Raven Forge, he owns Raven Forge. Both are true. The number of times I have said “I’m really stressed at the moment” and someone says “you should try being me” “try being a single parent”, “You don’t even know what stress is, kid” is wild. Nowhere in the statement “I’m really stressed” did I imply you were in fact not stressed. There are certain things I don’t understand about human interaction yet, and…
Another Now
I first read Another Now a couple of years back, and I remember it cracked something open in me. It wasn’t utopian fluff, It wasn’t that one tedious friend we have talking loudly about shared wealth, It wasn’t some over-polished TED Talk optimism. It was a serious, deeply human look at what the world could be if we were brave enough to imagine beyond the stale inevitability of greed and capitalism and smart enough not to tear each other apart in the process. Worker-owned companies. Shared digital wealth. A society where the government actually belong to the people. A future that didn’t feel like a boot pressing down on the backs of our necks, but a…
Writing Therapy
This has been an underlying foundation of my personality since I was really depressed back in 2013. I worked in a menial job in Craven and hated it, and everyone there to the point where I think all the hate just transferred over and I started to hate myself. Luckily this was another job with a lot of free time, with a lot of support from Caz and a massive kick up the arse I started watching lectures and reading books more than I ever had before. I learned a lot, but most importantly, it taught me that the meaning of life is simply to live. People seem to…
Finding my wierdos
The group is kinda exactly as I would expect it would be, I'm the only guy there, everyone talks about past lives, tarot readings, shamans and giving Reiki to their dog. I thought this would make my eyes roll or leave me desperately trying to figure out how it all connects, but I just don't care, I find it endearing - they’re all just so genuinely wonderful. No one is trying to be better than anyone else; the vibe is very authentic and curious. It’s just a gathering of people who, for their reasons, stumbled into…
Here's what's wrong with people! - Wine and post
In the first place, we have Vienna. I thought it could be "Always a Woman" if it was anything, Vienna is again, a great song, but doesn't hold a candle to Piano man.... or “Always a Woman”, or even fucking Up town Girl.
How can people be so wrong about things that only appear to me to have binary answers? It's also on my playlist of waltz bangers. Piano Man tops out over Audrey Hepburn / Henry Manchini singing “Moon River” and Seal with “Kiss from a Rose” - The 3 best waltz-time songs.
All three of which easily come above Vienna…
Force, Fire and Pain
This was internal alchemy.
All of this effort was aimed at one thing: the awakening of a dornmant power said to lie coiled at the base of the spine.
Not metaphorically. Literally.
They called it the Serpent Power - kundalinī. Coiled like a snake, three and a half times, asleep in the root chakra. Every technique was designed to heat, pressure, and coax this force awake (Echo: Force. To Force. Forcefully) - and then drive it upward, through the central axis of the body), burning through blockages, destroying the ego, and revealing the soul’s true form.
The process wasn’t gentle. There was no symphony of angelic voices when it happened. Some reported intense shaking, visions, even loosing grip on relaity. Not everyone made it through intact, or even alive. But those who did described states of consciousness beyond form, beyond duality, beyond language itself. It reads like drugs and trips, it reads like gods and awakening.
They became, in their words, “liberated while living.” “जीवन्मुक्त” Free from death (3). Free from illusion.
Some adepts were said to halt the aging process. Others developed abilities that
Responsibility and Accountability - Part 2
It doesn’t lighten the load, but it helps you carry it steadily, with both hands instead of dragging it behind you. Your accountability allows you to own this glorious fucking mess you’ve made. To look at it, steaming and red hot and just say “that’s mine”
You stop doing that stupid thing that humans to where we narrate our mistakes, desperately trying to soften their impact, or make them feel more normal. You stop waiting for someone to come and tell you it’s okay—because it is, or it fucking isn’t, and either way, its still you who has to deal with it.
That’s the bit no one tells you. Accountability isn’t loud like blame, or heavy like shame. It’s not even particularly emotional. In fact it's…
Failure
Failure is my biggest asset. I fail more than anyone I have ever met, and when I do, im the first person to point at it and call it a fucking failure. I have no idea how it sounds, but it's true.
When it comes to business, failure is my best friend, not my worst enemy. The more I try the more I both fail and succeed. Failure is not the end product of failed success, it's its byproduct, its waste product that success excretes on its journey towards an unabandoned victory.
Sure something are an outright failure, but that’s not to say it wasn’t a stepping stone, a learning opportunity, on your road to wining.
I will continue to fail till I’m no longer able to do so, but I'll…
Responsibility and Accountability - Part 1
Responsibility isn’t something you can wash off, run off, or take drugs to numb. It’s waiting for you when you're stood dripping after a shower, it's folded over panting next to you when you stop running, and it has only increased in size when the drugs wear off. Drugs don't just mean recreational drugs; it means any vices that are a distraction from your responsibilities. For me, it was, unfortunately, gambling. At the time, it felt like a great distraction, when my addiction came to an end, when I stopped, hopefully forever, everything was worse, and whose job was it to sort out - that's right, mine. That was my responsibility, it always was, and I…
Paywall
Yoga, when done this way, has a price-tag: drop-in classes averaging £10-15, depending on what town you drop-in to, memberships pushing £80-150 a month if you get on with a teacher, and retreats climbing into the thousands (it’s currently a hard pass for me).This raises the question: Has access to peace and healing become something you have to afford?
Connected thought: In my recent experience, the same is true for therapy. Mental health support, which should arguably be a basic human right, can cost you vast quantities. In a world where free services, like those on the NHS, are overburdened and underfunded, with waitlists that can stretch into years these costs are not so much a choice, but a paywall. For people having a horrific time mentally “come back later” can be, without exaggeration, a death sentence. So, It would seem both physical and mental well-being are increasingly reserved for those who…
A Humiliating, Humbling, Shit-Show
I felt a pair of feet step on my hands. Not next to. I looked up. The teacher looked down on me like I was shit. She stood on my hands till I managed to get my legs through to Dandasana without lifting my hands from the mat.
It got worse. Or better, depending on your tolerance for pain and public embarrassment. Adjustments came thick and fast, and none of them were gentle. Hands shoved my hips into place, feet kicked my hands about, my spine was pushed down, and at one point, the instructor barked out something unintelligible and physically twisted me like a corkscrew in to a “proper” knees to ears Karnapidasana. I think I saw God, and my own perineum.
And yet, in the middle of this utter chaos, something clicked. Beneath the questionable hands-on techniques and slightly sadistic energy, there was something oddly profound. I wasn’t coasting. I wasn’t hiding in…
Anxiety - The law of the conservation of energy
And yet, there it is. That familiar tension in the chest. That buzzing undercurrent in the back of my skull. That restlessness, like I need to do something, fix something, prepare for something. It’s only human, I know that. We’re wired for it. Brains are prediction machines, always scanning the horizon for threats. Worry was probably a brilliant survival tool once upon a time. But now? We live in a world of vast comfort, a world of shallow worries and hollow threats. There are no tigers in the bushes, there are no enemies at the gate. The sad fact is that the enemy at the gats is often ourselves, stood like John Cusack outside our windows, holding placards depicting the most bizarre and obscure outcomes and fates that will most probably never come to pass.
I know, from introspection and great therapy that my problem is that worry feels like control. Like if I’m anxious enough, I’ll somehow prevent the bad thing from happening. But that’s not control. That’s just self-harm…
ॐ
When I was first introduced to Om, (hereafter referred to as just ॐ) it was in a book written by a man, I say a man as I can't remember his name, as it was a long time ago on a niche public audiobook forum.
It was introduced to me as one of the many names of god. The one true Word and the true name of God in Hinduism, and one of the 99 known names for God to the Muslims.
ADHD side tangent: Back then, I learned that there are apparently 100 names for God. Humans only know 99, and nomads say the last name of God is known only to the camels, which is why they look so smug.
This was the universal Word, both the name of everything and…
Life after Social Media
As it turns out, that was the last day I had social media apps on my phone and, honestly, it’s has been revolutionary. After writing the post, I made the hard decision to abandon my photo memories that were locked behind the Facebook account wall and just step away. I concluded that this must be the main way they lock people in who desperately want to leave, this is why every day it shows you your memories first, you’ve got to remember, Social media and media companies done do anything for you, so if they’re doing it, it’s for a reason, and I think that reason is…
Meditation on Ego
I personally think it’s impossible for normal run of the mill western people to aspire to living an egoless life.
In my family we try live a life of achievable goals. Come new year we have a drink and see in the new year, then we’ll each set an “achievable goal”. This can be a family walk on New Year’s Day (depending on how much we have had to drink) or maybe saying this year I really want to go to a zoo or get a new fencing jacket. We really try to remember and push each other to do these things, until everyone’s complete.
There is power in seeing something full circle and achieving goals, much like anything you practice, achieving gets easier with time and practising achieving goals by bringing the goalposts closer, is a wonderful way to start the year on the right path as opposed to starting the year with inevitable failure. In this same light…
Ancient yoga
Does this mean that doing yoga in the West is Cultural appropriation? Absolutely not. Sure, my personal experience of yoga has been quite varied, from the commercial to the disjointed and fringe. But the yoga community that I’m involved with are beautiful; practised by people who understand that it is borrowed, people who understand that we’re lucky to have it in our lives, regardless of whether it’s our own personal roots.
Commercial classes too, the people that attend them are doing nothing inherently wrong, sure they’re being sold to by a large corporation that is selling a surface exercise variant of Indian culture, but in the current state of the world, we’re all being sold something from somewhere and none of it is really ok.
“There is no ethical consumption under late-stage capitalism” hits home here, everything is not great in the world when it comes to money and products. This quote is something I think about a lot, its not attributed to someone, its just a fact, a statement that…
My first class
The only negative that ill meditate on is that I took the class today without consulting SJ. Honestly, it just never crossed my mind that I should, again, this comes down to responsibility and something I’m working on. On a technical note, the class was free, and the people were my own, the building was my own, the insurance was my own. This was on me, but it's my job to learn to be accountable to people other than myself. No matter how far I go in this yoga journey, either personal or professionally, SJ will always be the person who taught me Yoga, someone who helped me learn the technical side of something I had already fostered a great love for and someone I look up to professionally. In the same way, I will never forget Mr Gardener, who taught me to read and who read Harry Potter to our class in primary school. I'll never forget…
Yoga and Tai Chi - A comparison
On another side note before we do a little reflection, these old women were amazing, I did some partnered exercise with a wonderful lady who was stood on one leg, eyes close,d following my movements with hers, she was 84 years old… 84! What a vision of health, beauty and serenity to aspire towards for future years. She also left me with a soundbite that will stick with me. I asked her how long she had been doing Tai Chi, and she said this:
“Me and my friend have been coming to Tai Chi for over 20 years, teachers come and go, but we are always here”
It was a lovely reminder that teaching a practice is not about the teacher, or your business or how you teach, it’s not even about any particular student, it’s just a superb and transient journey where everything changes all the time, some things are more constant than others, but nothing is forever.
Anyway, tangent aside, how did Tai Chi compare to Yoga on a historical level, how do the practices compare or where do we draw comparisons?…
Something feels wrong with "Ancient Yoga"
There are two things at play here: a personal mistake on my part, and I think a little misleading use of the evidence on the part of the information as it is known. I think my mistake is this: when people say Yoga goes back up to 5000 years, I assume they mean Yoga as a practice, the mindfulness, the meditation, and then much later (much later) the movement. I assumed, possibly incorrectly, that the history of yoga referred to yoga in spirituality, not just a Sanskrit word used long before the first solid evidence of yoga as a practice. I think the misleading part is this; When yoga practitioners or teachers state that yoga goes back 5000 years, and even when its explicitly stated that’s “it’s not as we know it now with poses, it was about meditation and enlightenment” they’re still talking about the Upanishads, we know them to be 800BC, that’s 2,825 years ago. This links to the important part for me - I have been told and it seems to be common knowledge that Yoga predates Buddhism and Hinduism, but Vedic religion is thought to be the founding religion of Hinduism, part of the proto-Hindu chain that lead to Hinduism and it is in these texts that we’re scrambling to find the word yoga being used for more than hitching horses and combining ideas…