ॐ

This piece was something I wrote freehand in a workshop, it doesn’t totally make sense, sometimes when you’re handed a pen and told what to write, what comes out is not what you expect it to be - 2025

When i was first introduced to Om, (here after referred to as just ॐ) It was in a book written by a man, I say a man as I can't remember his name as it was a long time ago on a niche public audiobook forum.

It was introduced to me as one of the many names of god. The one true Word and the true name of God in Hinduism, and one of the 99 known names for God to the Muslims. 

ADHD side tangent: Back then, I learned that there are apparently 100 names for God. Humans only know 99, and nomads say the last name of God is known only to the camels, which is why they look so smug.

This was the universal Word, both the name of everything and the name of nothing. It was the vibrations that the universe itself hummed upon and the tune to which this whole silly charade of life plays out.

I thought about it a lot after that book and eventually took it on as my own. A word I used interchangeably with universe or experience, and I saw and heard it everywhere. It was a sound that I noticed, as if highlighted in colour, in - at the time, a world of black and white. 

It meant something to me.

My Relationship with ॐ was good for 7 years, 7 glorious year of ignorance and solitude. 7 sweet years of learning, comfort and the lack of outside interference.

I was it and it was me, a union of endless cosmic vibration, rolling through the universe together.

Here is how I consciously and unconsciously see the 5 states of ॐ. I don't know what they all mean exactly, but i feel them all strongly.

Unconscious state: Fighting – Unbound - To leave - To sleep - To be wrong - To be "I am" but also "I do not hold up to scrutiny" - To be the I that shouldn't be perceived.

Waking: To be myself - Ego - Failure - Success - Working - Making - Doing.

Dream: To be alive - To be everything - To be myself, both the Tom ॐ within and the Tom शून्य without - Beyond physical protection - My link to the external.

Illusion: Religion - logic - Knowing as opposed to learning - Reason – Power - The Tom ॐ that lies and fears, the Tom ॐ that has anxiety - The Tom ॐ that tries to gain control over chaos.

Absolute: Love - Life - Kids - Friends - Vibration - Together - We - Us - I - Me - Tom - Unattainable state - Unachievable - Constantly achieving. Life.

The funny thing about me and ॐ is that I never knew it was a chant, I didn't know it was supposed to be said out loud. It just - never occurred to me.

So what went wrong after the 7 years? It's tongue in cheek, I guess (now at least), but I found myself in a room in Skipton with Bethan of Holistic House, taking us through a meditation where we would chant for my first time ever. It was confusing; this felt like a very private thing to me. Next to me in the chant was a man called Richard, and we were about to chant ॐ 3 times. To my horror, Richard said Aum ॐ just like Homer Simpson thinking about doughnuts. It was hilarious and infuriating. It was like when Harry Potter 1 came out in the cinema and I heard the characters' names for the first time, apparently he wasn't called Ronald Wesley, I just couldn't read. 2 years I thought Ron and his family were the Wesleys. 

I know it's not Richard’s fault, he's lovely - I’m sure. This problem is all mine, but it felt like someone was airing my dirty laundry, or talking about my deep secrets and getting all the facts wrong. This, at the time, to me, was unforgivable. I was shooketh.

Fast forward to 2025, today, and I did a workshop on ॐ, I’m happy to report that the bonds between us are healed, Richard, who never knew he did any harm, has been internally forgiven, and the world remains at peace.

We even did some chanting that didn't feel weird or disjointed. Actually, in that room, with a group of weird and lovely people, I felt at peace.

Tॐ